Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My liver just broke up with me...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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