thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
