the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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