Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
