At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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