Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
