i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
