cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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