Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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