I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
