can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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