You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
