it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
