She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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