Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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