Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
