The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
