the new term for farting is butt boxing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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