Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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