it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
