There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
