my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
