Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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