ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
