In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
