New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
false alarm, still single
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
