oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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