So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
