I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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