Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
