its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
