MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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