last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
