Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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