I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
