More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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