Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
being pregnant is like rehab
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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