Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
