if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
