WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
