I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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