Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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