Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
