The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
