well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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