God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
