this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
either way he was missing a nipple.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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