Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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