I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
