My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
