I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
