You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.