So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?