I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.