My nipple is on Facebook.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident