I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
