who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
