I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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