I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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