i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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