I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize