I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize