Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
