I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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