Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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