you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
