i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
